Leadership begins in the choices you make when no one is watching.

For Mel Robbins, true leadership is less about status and more about influence. This influence is earned through consistency and personal accountability.

She argues that if you can’t lead yourself, you have no business trying to lead others.

How you think and how you adjust when things get difficult say more about your leadership than any title ever will. Before you speak to a team or manage a project, the first test is whether you’ve learned to guide your own behavior.

Robbins offers a mindset built on discipline and the willingness to move forward even when it’s hard. In her view, leadership is a practice.

And it starts with you.

Start With Yourself

Robbins describes two types of influence.

The first is internal. This refers to the control you have over your own decisions and reactions. It forms the base of all leadership. If you want to lead well, begin by leading yourself through moments of personal growth and uncertainty.

External influence becomes more effective when internal work is strong. It’s reflected in how others experience your presence. This kind of influence is all about behavior. People respond to leaders who are consistent and respectful. Influence grows when your actions match your values and when your example earns trust.

Two Questions That Reveal How You Lead

To understand the kind of leader you want to become, Robbins offers two questions worth serious reflection:

• What do you want people to say about you when you leave the room?

• How do you want people to feel when they’re around you?

These questions help you define your leadership style. Robbins encourages people to write their answers down for guidance. If you want to be seen as focused or fair, your actions need to match that. If your goal is to leave others feeling motivated or respected, your behavior should reflect that consistently.

This becomes your map for how you carry yourself in any room.

Wellness That Supports Leadership

After grounding leadership in personal influence, Robbins shifts to what holds it together: wellness.

If your mind is scattered and your energy drained, your leadership falls apart.

Quality rest, she argues, is one of the most overlooked tools for focus and resilience. She points to research that shows sleep deprivation can impair judgment and memory. In some cases, the cognitive impact resembles intoxication. The solution is simply respecting your rest.

Robbins encourages a nightly wind-down routine. Stop eating well before bed. Step away from work. Shut off screens. These habits may feel small, but they protect the clarity and calm that strong leadership depends on.

A non-negotiable for Robbins is keeping phones out of the bedroom. The presence of a screen, even silent, disrupts rest. It invites distraction.

Confidence Comes From Repetition

Robbins defines confidence as the willingness to try, even when it’s uncomfortable.

She shares a simple model called the confidence-competency loop. When you try something, you gain experience. That experience, even if it includes failure, builds knowledge. The next time you try, you carry that knowledge with you. Over time, the act of trying becomes familiar.

That’s what creates real confidence.

To help people act in those moments where hesitation takes over, Robbins uses what she calls the 5 Second Rule. Count down from five and move. The countdown gives your body a clear command before your mind can talk you out of it.

Confidence is something you practice one decision at a time.

Lead the Way You Live

Mel Robbins delivers a version of leadership that is built on the daily decision to be accountable and thoughtful in order to move forward.

The work begins by knowing how you want to show up and practicing the habits that support clarity. Push yourself to take action, especially when it’s uncomfortable.

Her story offers a powerful call to action for anyone facing uncertainty or setbacks. She encouraged them to keep moving forward with purpose, guided by courage and honesty, even when the path ahead is unclear.

Leadership is something you grow into by how you live.